The work of emotional labour

Emotional labour. It’s the work we do to regulate our emotions and present a calm front when that might not match how we feel inside.

It’s a part of any customer facing role, or one where you work with a team. It’s necessary. Some people argue that this is inauthentic, we should be being ourselves all of the time. The problem with this is that people don’t always want or need authentic, sometimes they want professional. As Seth Godin points out if you go to see a doctor, you don’t want them to be morose or disinterested because they’re having a bad day and that’s how they’re authentically feeling. You want them to be professional and reassuring.

The thing with emotional labour is that the bigger the gap between how you feel on the inside and what you need to project into the world, the more tiring it becomes. As the boss in your bakery or cafe it’s your job to be calm with your team, gracious and kind to customers and to create a positive atmosphere people that draws people in. That’s not always easy but it goes with the territory. When you are in a good place, it’s doable, not easy but doable. When you are in a bad place, it feels like an unrelenting and impossible slog.

It’s when a customer makes a thoughtless comment and you think ‘you have no idea what this actually like’ and want to scream. It’s when the dishwasher breaks and your team behave as if they have never faced an injustice so great as having to do the dishes by hand, and you have to be grateful to them for deigning to wash some pots, whilst simultaneously worrying about how you’re going to pay to get that dishwasher repaired because it’s basically going to wipe out that week’s profit and you needed that money for other things. And you want to scream. It’s when you finally have a day off and someone calls in sick. You reply to their text with a cheery ‘don’t worry, feel better soon!’ and go in and cover them. And you want to scream. The effort of continually not screaming is exhausting.

And sometimes is seeps out. And you regret it because that’s not going to get the best results, and it isn’t you. But it is how you feel.

The answer isn’t just to scream, however tempting. It’s to reduce the gap between how you feel underneath and what you need to project. People calling in sick, equipment breaking, rude customers. Those things are always going to happen, and they will always be annoying. But you can deal with them calmly, as your best self, without screaming, when you’re underlying stress levels aren’t so high.

Reducing your stress levels isn’t always straight forward. Life and business can be challenging. But the deathly dull things people say: sleep, rest, exercise, dare I say it - a life outside of work, are deathly dull but true.

And if nothing else, pat yourself on the back for all the screaming you don’t do.